March 21, 2013

My Kids, on Dating Websites, Weddings, and Time Machines

All parents know that some of the best conversations with kids occur in the car.  Here’s one I just had with my 8-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter as we drove down Interstate 78.

Him: “Mom, have you had any dates lately? You should get a boyfriend. If you’re having trouble you could use one of those dating websites.”

Me: (Choking) “Ha!” How do you know about dating websites?”

Him: “I heard about them on cartoons.” (What cartoons is he watching?)

Me: “Well, I go on dates sometimes, but I haven’t found a boyfriend.”

Him: “But you go out with LOTS of different people. In order to get a boyfriend you need to go out with the same one over and over.” (Uhhhh….)

Her: “Mama, you should really get married. But you need a boyfriend to get married.”

Me: “You mean I shouldn’t just marry any random person?”

Her: “That sounds like a bad idea.”

Him to Her: “She’s being sarcastic!”

Her: “I didn’t know!”

Me: “Why should I get married?”

Him: “Because we’ve never been to a wedding. And I want to be the best man!” (Duh.)

Her: “And I want to be the ring bear.” (Teddy or Grizzly?)

Him: “No. You have to be the one that throws the flowers…”

Me: “What kind of B.S. is that? (Okay, I actually said bullshit) She can be whatever she wants to be!” (In my fictional wedding…)

Her: “I want to carry the rings.”

Me: “Well, you know I might never get married again. Not everyone gets married.”

Her: “I want you to be married!”

Me: “Well… I haven’t found anyone I want to marry. And you know, maybe some of the people I go out with don’t want to marry ME.”

Him: “Why wouldn’t they want to marry you?” (Indeed.)

Me: “For lots of reasons. For one thing, some people I go out with don’t like the fact that I live with your Papa.”

Him: “WHAT???”

Me: “Yes. Some people think that if I’m their girlfriend then I shouldn’t live with my ex-husband.”

Him: (Incredulous) “Well do you TELL them you want to live with your KIDS???”

Me: “Yes. But some people don’t understand. Others do. I guess the ones who don’t understand aren’t the right match for me anyway.”

Him: “Yeah. The ones that DO understand seem better than the ones that don’t.”

Our conversation then transferred to the house. The kids were talking all about the ceremony… saying if we had it at the house it would be free… talking about the food and the music… They talked about the vows, with my daughter suggesting that as the best man my son would be the one to lead us (who is US?) through them. We talked a bit about traditions and about different ways things could be done. I tried to explain about the place where I got married to their dad and they were confused by my use of the word “cabin” (it was really a lodge in upstate New York) and I finally asked if they wanted to see our wedding album.

They really liked looking at it. My son said “Mom, your dress was REALLY pretty.” (Awwww… so sweet… but never fear, he’s about to ruin it). He also thought the cake was pretty. Then I said “Wow look at how young I look.” And then HE said “If you just lost a couple of pounds you’d STILL look like that.” (Ahem.)

My daughter looked for a long time at the picture of me and her dad kissing. She said “That’s when you were really married.” She didn’t want me to turn the page, which made me feel a little sad.

But she spent a long time looking at the other pages too, while my son kept making comments like “why are you looking at every page for so long?” and “this is going to go on forever,” and “I could have gotten through this album in half the time!”

My daughter wanted to know who each person in the pictures was… whether her grandpa was sick yet during the wedding… if she and her brother were in my tummy when the pictures were taken or if they were “floating in space”… and a million other things about the people, the place, and the time when we got married.

Later that night she said she wished we had a time machine so we could go back in time and she could be there for our wedding. I wasn’t sure what to say in response to that. I went to bed that night wondering whether her desire to be there would be less intense if her dad and I were still together. Or whether it might be even stronger. I’m still not sure…

– Mylilhurricane

———————

Postscript: The day after I finished writing this post I happened to catch a scene from one of the shows my kids were watching. One of the characters said: “We could sign him up for one of those dating websites for people who have no hope.” Well.

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March 11, 2013

“You have one RE-friend request.” This is getting serious…

When I became a vegetarian my sophomore year of college some people thought it was a phase. But *I* knew it wasn’t, and more than 20 years later I can say that most definitely. At this point I can’t even imagine going back.

Two-and-a-half years ago when my ex and I first became ex’s, we started telling people we planned to continue living and raising our kids together. And lots of people thought that was a phase too. I’ve been told at least hundred times that we can’t do it. Not just that we eventually won’t want to (although I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard this), or that we shouldn’t (I’ve heard this a few times as well), but that we, quite literally, can’t. I call bullshit on that.

Of course we can’t predict the future. And we don’t know what’s going to happen in 2 or 5 or 10 years. Maybe eventually we WON’T want to keep doing this. But what I can say now is that I see more signs each month that we mean it– we’re really planning to do what we can to keep making this work. Me, my ex, and now his girlfriend too. Here are the top 10 signs that we’re ALL quite serious about it.

10. Last week when my ex asked me to pick up a case of PBR for him from the village liquor store I wasn’t even annoyed—I was happy to do it. A few weeks earlier he, unprompted, brought home a latte for me because he knew I was tired and had plans for the evening.

9. When my ex’s girlfriend makes turkey chili she sometimes asks me “Do you want me to make a vegetarian one for you?” And I say yes. She makes really good chili.

8. Not too long ago we all (minus the kids) ended up at our favorite local bar on the same night– me with my friends and them with theirs. We didn’t sit together, but there was some intermingling. And it wasn’t weird it all. It was really rather nice.

7. In December we once again hosted our annual family party on Christmas Eve. This year there were five names on the invitation– mine, my kids’, my ex’s, and his girlfriend’s. She did half the baking. I discussed with some new friends the need to attach an explanation for those who aren’t clued in to the situation. It might be titled “What, exactly, is going on in this house…”

6. When my kids talk about our family they include me, my ex, his girlfriend, and her dog (my step-dog). The dog was really the last hold-out in all of this. He ignored me for at least a year, acknowledging me only if I was the sole human in the house during a thunderstorm. He now frequently climbs into my lap or sleeps at my feet while I work, even when there are other people around.

5. My ex recently tried to discourage me from breaking up with a guy I was dating. He said “I’m not trying to tell you what to do…” (a critical preface) “…but you seemed to really like him.”

4. A couple of weeks ago when my daughter said “We’re lucky, we have two Moms” I didn’t feel even a twinge of anything but happiness for my kids. Although I’ll admit to a twinge of… something… the day she called me by his girlfriend’s name and explained it by saying “She’s around a lot more than you. You’re always working.” :-(

3. In January we spent a week together at Disney World. All five of us. We really, truly had a great time. (Hint: When the number of adults is larger than the number of kids, family vacations and amusement park trips are waaaay more enjoyable.)

2. We’re currently finalizing the architectural drawings for the addition we’re putting on our house. It will allow us all to have a little more space and a little more privacy. With this one we’re putting our money where our mouths are– a couple hundred thousand worth of our money. So no, we’re not kidding around.

1. And finally, last month my ex and I re-friended each other on Facebook. This probably tells you more about where we’re at than any of the above. :-)

– Mylilhurricane

Posted in Co-parenting, Divorce | 1 Comment »

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August 2, 2012

Sh*t My Kids Ask

My kids ask a lot of questions. And I mean a LOT of questions. Sometimes I feel like some kind of trivia gameshow contestant. Except that often their questions aren’t trivial. In the past week alone I have been asked:

  • Why don’t you and Papa sleep together anymore?
  • Who wanted to break up, you or Papa?
  • If you don’t love each other that much anymore, why don’t you and Papa live in separate houses?
  • Is [Papa’s Girlfriend] our friend or our Step-mudder? (yeah, she says “mudder”)
  • Why isn’t Papa going with us on our trip to Minnesota?

Lest you think my children are obsessed with their parents’ break-up, I’ll share just a very small selection of the many, many other questions I’ve been asked this week:

  • Is there such a thing as people who never die?
  • Is this as fast as the plane is going to go? (while it taxied down the runway at a crawl)
  • How do fairies do magic?
  • Can I watch you shave your legs?
  • Which takes more power an elevator or an escalator?
  • Does the Mall of America have a waterpark?

And

  • Are we there yet?… Are we there yet?… Are we there yet?… Are we there yet?…

All these questions can get exhausting. Because of course they need answers, and the answers aren’t always easy to come up with (how DO fairies do magic anyway?). But I know that by asking them my kids are giving me a great gift—the opportunity to share with them my perspective on the world. I’m so glad that, for now at least, they want to hear how I see things. And they’re also giving me the chance to hear their perspectives in return.

Like when my son, who is now 7, asked why his dad and I don’t live in separate houses. I almost laughed out loud when he informed me “lots of people do that you know.” And I realized that he is just now, two years after our break-up, starting to get some inkling that what we’re doing is a bit different from what many other divorced parents do. I took the opportunity to ask him about friends of his with divorced parents. And I also had a chance to explain how much his Papa and I both want to live with him and his sister all the time, and that we’re still a family even though Papa and I broke up, and that because we all get along so well we CAN make it work, and so we do.

And when my daughter, now 5, asked which of us wanted to break up. I was surprised she even knew to ask such a question (too much iCarly probably). When I started to explain that I think Papa and I both knew… she interrupted with “you weren’t good for each other?” (Wow… iCarly again?) I said maybe it wasn’t exactly about not being good for each other, but more about thinking there was someone else out there that would be a better match for each of us. When I said “And see? Papa found [his Girlfriend]” she was quick to point out “But YOU didn’t find anyone.” (Oh really? Thanks for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed.) It gave me the chance to tell her that I hadn’t found anyone YET, but that hopefully I would someday. Her response was simply “Well, you let me know when you do.”

I wrote once before about the concern that our unusual “divorce” would confuse the kids (You’ll Confuse the Children!) I still don’t think so. Like anything else in the world they’re figuring out what it all means. They’re asking me and their Dad for our thoughts, talking to their friends, picking up on cues from other places, and forming their own impressions. Isn’t that the goal of a liberal arts college education? Makes me think maybe I can go on a shopping spree with all that money I’ve been saving for their futures.

- Mylilhurricane

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July 15, 2012

I Never Seem to Do It Like Anybody Else – And Apparently That Makes All The Difference

Lately I’ve been on verge of an existential crisis. Does that ever happen to you? I feel like what I’m doing with my life doesn’t matter to the world. I’d say I have a crisis like this every couple of years or so and I usually end up quitting my job. Sometimes that helps for a while. But only for a while. And I can’t afford to keep quitting my job.

But you know what? In the past month or so I’ve started to think that the work I do may never really make a difference—that it’s more likely to be simply the way I live my life that matters. I suppose this isn’t a profound thought, others have thought and said as much before. But maybe I have my own little twist on the notion.

When I say the way I live my life, I’m really talking about how I didn’t accept that good enough was good enough in my marriage; how I’m managing an amicable split with my ex; how we’re living together with our kids and creating our own version of family; how I’m welcoming my ex’s girlfriend into the mix; and lots of other ways in which how I’m living is maybe not the typical way of going about things.

How do I know that what I’m doing makes a difference? Mostly because people tell me so.

Like the other night one of my dearest friends said that witnessing how I’m navigating my separation and living situation gave her the courage to leave her own unfulfilling marriage and to try bird-nesting herself. Instead of staying in a marriage that wasn’t making either of them happy, she and her ex have amicably split. They’re now looking for an apartment so their small children can stay in their home, while she and the ex revolve in and out of the house and the apartment.

Or like my recent reconnection with an old friend after many years apart. She sent me an email after our time together in which she said my way of being in the world opened her eyes to her own inertia and inspired her to again become an “object in motion.”

And then there’s my last boyfriend, who actually encouraged me to write this post. When we first met he was recently separated, quite angry at his (ex)wife, and still living with her and their three kids. He looked at me like I was insane when I talked about my plan to keep living with my own ex and kids indefinitely. But I saw him a few weeks ago, more than a year after that first conversation, and he’s still living with his ex and kids. He told me that staying in the house together is really working for them, and that they’d just refinanced their mortgage instead of putting the house up for sale. He said he never would have considered this as an option if he hadn’t met me. And just the other day he added that if it weren’t for me, he might have gone back to his ex, just because it was easier on the kids than him moving out would have been. Instead, they’re progressing through a friendly divorce rather than staying in a marriage that didn’t work, but keeping their kids in a stable home. And he thinks that’s the right choice for them.

So if I start counting… that’s 7 kids (including my own) who get to stay in their homes despite their parents breaking up. And at least 6 adults who’ve been positively impacted too. If each of them serves as a good example to someone else, and those people for yet someone else, then that effect– helping others see they have options for making changes and moving forward in a positive way– will quickly multiply.

Some people still look at me like I’m crazy when I start talking about my life. Others tell me it sounds like a bad sitcom. But maybe I’m finally doing something that makes the kind of difference I’ve always wanted to make, by living my life in my own wacky way– it just took me 40 years to get there. Reminds me of one of my favorite Dixie Chicks songs:

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else ~ Maybe someday, someday I’m gonna settle down ~ If you ever want to find me I can still be found ~ Taking the long way ~ Taking the long way around

- Mylilhurricane

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July 3, 2012

Friendly Divorce = Free Condoms?

It’s too long for a tweet so I’ll blog it. Love this quote from Jennifer Gilbert of The Trephine: “the movement toward friendly divorce is generally seen as blasphemous and culturally reckless, just like those hellbound liberals who keep offering free condoms to teenagers, which of course only encourages them.”

She suggests that the movement toward friendly divorce needs to get louder, as loud as the “anti-divorce movement”.

Read her whole thought-provoking post on Through the Fire: An ex-spouse is just a friend you haven’t met yet.

Oh, and I commented on it too:

Thanks Jen, for a very thoughtful post.

I agree that the friendly divorce movement needs to get louder, but I’m not sure how to do that beyond blogging (around which I have admittedly fallen off the wagon but am getting back to it!) Any ideas?

I relate to many of your experiences as I have a “friendly divorce” as well, but with small children. My ex and I live in the same house, co-parent, and spend family time together. That family time often includes extended family and my ex’s girlfriend (who cooked dinner for everyone last time my parents came to visit).

When I have a break-up or a bad date (and I have plenty) sometimes it’s my ex’s girlfriend who hears the gory details first.

Right now, while we are temporarily without a baby-sitter, the three of us are juggling getting the kids ready and off to camp on various days.

While I have some doubts about my own future love life and how many men I’m going to find who can understand or accept what we’re trying to do (putting our family first even after our break-up), I wouldn’t want to be divorced any other way.

- Mylilhurricane

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December 13, 2011

The Christmas letter I WANTED to Write

Christmas is coming, I’m sure you’ve noticed, and bringing with it all the best (and worst) of its traditions. It’s a complicated time of year for those whose marriages have recently faltered, and a common dilemma among my newly separated and divorced friends is “what the hell do we do about the Christmas cards????” For me, the problem is intensified by the fact that for the past 7 years I’ve written a Christmas letter to update family and friends on all the goings-on of the year – I’m a Midwesterner after all. So NOW what should I write? “The highlight of the year for us was that our marriage ended. And Merry Christmas to you!” It’s all a bit awkward. I solved the issue by focusing only on the kids, but here’s the letter I was tempted to write…

Dear Family & Friends,

Happy Holidays! It’s been quite a year for us! We didn’t go on an African safari, and no one in our family has won the state chess championship, but none-the-less we’ve had a host of experiences that most of you cannot even imagine. I know this because whenever I tell someone about what we’ve been up to their response is invariably “I cannot imagine.”

2011 represents the first full year since the end of our marriage. You did know our marriage was over, didn’t you? If not, don’t feel bad, I can see how there might be some confusion – after all we didn’t send out announcements, and the fact that we still live together makes the whole thing a bit difficult to decipher from the outside. But we have, indeed, decided to call it quits. And yes, it’s quite sad, but we’re all doing pretty ok.

As for the experiences I alluded to, they mostly revolve around our efforts to keep our family together despite our break-up. I will not write here about meeting his girlfriend for the first time over drinks, or the pink razor that got left in my shower. I’ve already told those stories. But here are a few other highlights from the past year that will give you a bit of insight into life in our household.

My mother-in-law came to stay for a week and we kicked off the visit right away with dinner at a Mexican restaurant. And by “we” I mean my mother-in-law, her husband, my baby boy and baby girl, my ex, his girlfriend, and myself. The week proceeded with a series of meals at home, which were variously prepared by different combinations of me, my mother-in-law, my ex, and his girlfriend. One particular meal I recall noting that the girlfriend had cooked, and while my ex and his Mom reminisced and told her stories I had already heard quite a few times (after all we were married for almost 9 years), I made my exit to do the dishes.

Another lively time was the pre-Halloween blizzard that left us without power or heat for four days. Like any other family would do I’m sure, we moved in with my ex’s girlfriend. Five of us (and a dog) in a one bedroom townhouse, with schools closed and the kids underfoot. It seemed to be some kind of test of the new world we’re trying to create, and I am happy to report that I think we all passed, despite my precious children getting maple syrup all over the girlfriend’s cashmere throw.

Thanksgiving was lovely, and we added some friends to the mix — dinner for 15 at our house. He made the turkey, I did cranberries and sweet potatoes, and she baked the pies.

There are so many other things I could tell you about — like my own love life, or the way my baby boy recently asked me if it was okay to tell the girlfriend he loves her, or how my baby girl seems to think any man I talk to for more than 30 seconds is my boyfriend — but maybe I’ll have to write a Valentine’s letter for those updates.

Living so far from so many of you who I love most, I am grateful for this crazy little life we have and a family that is expanding rather than breaking apart.

Wishing you all love and peace this year,

Mylilhurricane

Posted in Divorce, Happiness | 4 Comments »

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September 24, 2011

What Are YOU Fantasizing About?

A cloud of  tulle with a beaded bodice, lilac-colored roses, and 300 close friends and relatives coming together in an exotic location… The bride and groom share a passionate kiss and dance the night away on a champagne high… Oh, and the cake! Vanilla butter cream piled high on a tiered creation right out of a movie. You’ve seen or heard about it before, maybe even in your own head – it’s the fantasy wedding.

 Some people spend hours, years, even decades dreaming about their fantasy wedding. Not everyone does this of course – men don’t seem so prone to it and certainly there are women who don’t get caught up in these day-dreams – and yet it’s pretty common. Despite all this fantasizing, once the big event is over the actual marriage sometimes (usually?) doesn’t turn out the way the bride or groom had hoped. And that can lead people to start daydreaming about something else altogether – their fantasy divorce.

You know, the one where you and your ex agree that you’re not cut out to be married to each other but you’ll remain the best of friends. If you’ve ever felt a pang of envy watching The New Adventures of Old Christine on CBS you know what I mean. Or, maybe it’s the one where you amicably split custody, childcare, property and assets, and go your own ways, but get along fine when you’re both invited to a mutual friend’s wedding. Or, in some cases (only a few I’m sure), the one where your ex moves to Antarctica or gets run over by a bus, in either case never to be heard from again.

While I never spent too much time thinking about my fantasy wedding, when the going got tough in my marriage I started envisioning my fantasy divorce. I’m not saying I was glad that my marriage was failing; in fact it was terrifying and heart-breaking.  And I wouldn’t want to suggest that I took it lightly or that it was something anyone should hope for. But I felt both lonely and claustrophobic in my marriage, and so I dreamed of a way to find freedom and the opportunity for a deeper connection, while causing the least possible harm to my family. Now that my (ex)husband and I have actually split up, I’m doing my best to live my fantasy divorce. It looks a bit like this…

 We live in the same house, but have separate bedrooms. We run our household much the same way we did before we split up, and our financial arrangements have remained virtually unchanged. We co-parent and share childcare much like we did before. But we both have more independence and more privacy, we both spend a little more time away from home doing our own thing (me more than him), and we both date other people. We’re certainly friendly and I hope that we’re friends, or that we will be with a bit more time. The situation isn’t without its difficulties and sacrifices, and it wouldn’t work for everyone, but from my perspective if I’m going to be divorced this is a pretty damn good way to do it.

 Have you ever dreamt of your own fantasy divorce? What does it look like?

Mylilhurricane

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August 31, 2011

Yeah, I’m Divorced (sort of). Wanna Make Something Of It?

Response to Hello, My Name is Divorce (Lee Block on Huffington Post)

I appreciate what the author says here, about not defining ourselves by our marital status, but I think it becomes very salient in some situations, particularly at back-to-school time. While I realize that the kids who go to school with mine have all kinds of families, what’s most obvious and still seems most common is the presence of the nuclear families that include one mom and one dad who are married to one another. When I attend school events I’m particularly conscious of no longer being part of one of those families and I feel like everyone else must be noticing that too. (Of course chances are the other people aren’t thinking about it at all!) Sometimes I have the urge to just say something about it – put it out there so I KNOW people are thinking about it instead of wondering whether they are.

I also think there’s something to be said for “claiming” a divorced identity in the way that people claim other stigmatized identities. I’m not sure why people still assume that a divorced woman is a victim, but I find this assumption annoying and usually feel the need to set people straight. I am a strong woman and I do not feel victimized! www.rearrangingatoms.com

– Mylilhurricane

Link to this comment on Huffington Post

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August 30, 2011

Guess Who’s your Knight in Shining Armor? An open letter to Ahappyalchemist from Mylilhurricane

Dear Ahappyalchemist,

YOU are your own knight in shining armor, you know that? We’ve discussed this concept before in relation to a friend, but I’m not sure you see that you, too, are rescuing yourself. I’ve been watching you trudge grimly toward divorce, wishing there was some other way. I know the realities of your situation have challenged your efforts to stay positive and you’ve felt bad about that. But I want you to know that I’m inspired by what I’ve seen. So let me tell you a thing or two about yourself…

You are brave. Ending a marriage when you have a child is just plain scary — there is so much uncertainty. It’s hard to know how to slay a dragon you’ve never seen before and a lesser woman might not even try, but you’ve charged boldly into the fray. When asked if one can still be brave if she’s scared, as wise person once said “that is the only time one can be brave.” I’m not sure who that wise person was, but I love the notion and I think it applies to you.

You are strong. Your quest is to create the life that you and your son deserve, and it’s not for the weak of heart. The easier road may be to just leave well enough alone, but to those who accept great risk comes the chance of great reward. It’s been hard on you I know, but you’re persevering and it’s because of your strength that you’re going to find what you seek.

You are loyal. You’ve been such a good friend to me as I navigate my own separation, picking me up when I’m down and celebrating with me when things are looking up. Despite your own struggle you’ve found it in you to encourage me, and I know you have my back no matter what challenges I might have to face.

You are honorable. This, most of all, is what makes me proud to call you my friend. Lawyers dispense advice intended to protect us, but they’re not always concerned with our sense of honor. You’ve followed your lawyer’s advice when you needed to, but drawn the line when it went against who you are. This is the mark of a truly great knight.

You are generous & wise. I have tremendous respect for your desire to ease this transition for your ex in the best way you can. I’ve been inspired by your generosity and by your genuine happiness for his recent success.  And it’s clear that you know that despite everything else, your son and his father need one another.  Your efforts to ensure they get time together demonstrate your wisdom and reveal your open heart.

You are beautiful. I don’t know whether knights are supposed to be tall, dark, and handsome — if so, it would be tough to describe you as such. But I can say that you are a beautiful woman inside and out. In times like this it can be difficult to remember that, but I want to make sure you don’t forget it.

The sun will be shining brighter soon enough, you’ll see. In the meantime, if you need someone to help you polish your armor you know where to find me.

Cheering you on with love, Mylilhurricane

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August 9, 2011

You’ll Confuse the Children!

Originally posted on Tanzi Craig’s Solo Parenting Blog

I’d call myself a pseudo-single-parent, just like I’m a pseudo-ex-wife. My husband and I separated about 10 months ago, but we still live together and still do things as a family with our 4-and 6-year-olds. I spend more time parenting solo then I did when I was married, but probably less time than many other divorced or separated people do.

When I tell people about our “arrangement,” a common question is whether it’s confusing for our kids. And it’s not just people I know who are concerned about this possibility. In fact, in a recent blog in the Huffington Post’s Divorce section Lauren Howard, a Clinical Social Worker, warned against staying friendly with your ex for this very reason (The Myth of the Amicable Divorce).

After trying to swallow my initial defensiveness at this question, here’s what I’ve got say to those who are concerned.

First of all, is a bit of confusion so bad that it should prevent us from doing something that there are other good reasons for doing? We do lots of things that might confuse our kids, but we simply do our best to explain. Getting a shot at the doctor is confusing for kids. We’re supposed to care about them and doctors are supposed to help them, so why would we let the doctor hurt them? But we do. It’s confusing for kids when Mom and Dad (even in an “intact” family) go out on a Saturday night and leave them at home. Why can’t they come along? Or why don’t their parents want to stay home with them? And yet we explain, and go out anyway. In a similar way, we go ahead and go to work, go for a run, go to the mall, or go to our own doctor appointments and leave our confused kids behind.

Second, I’m not sure that kids are as easily confused as we think they are. Among the many things my kids know is that Mommy & Papa:

  • Love them and want to live with them. And there are lots of other people (my ex’s girlfriend included) who love them too.
  • Have to spend time working to pay for food and our house, and like to spend time with other friends and doing adult things that don’t involve kids.
  • Want to do fun things with them. Papa is more likely to take them to an amusement park and Mommy is more likely to take them for a walk in the woods.
  • Have somewhat different rules for them (they’d tell you Mommy says “no” more often) and whoever is with them at the time is in charge.

What’s so confusing about that?

And what about you? What do you worry your kids might be confused about? And what do they know for sure?

- Mylilhurricane

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