Friendly Divorce = Free Condoms?

It’s too long for a tweet so I’ll blog it. Love this quote from Jennifer Gilbert of The Trephine: “the movement toward friendly divorce is generally seen as blasphemous and culturally reckless, just like those hellbound liberals who keep offering free condoms to teenagers, which of course only encourages them.”

She suggests that the movement toward friendly divorce needs to get louder, as loud as the “anti-divorce movement”.

Read her whole thought-provoking post on Through the Fire: An ex-spouse is just a friend you haven’t met yet.

Oh, and I commented on it too:

Thanks Jen, for a very thoughtful post.

I agree that the friendly divorce movement needs to get louder, but I’m not sure how to do that beyond blogging (around which I have admittedly fallen off the wagon but am getting back to it!) Any ideas?

I relate to many of your experiences as I have a “friendly divorce” as well, but with small children. My ex and I live in the same house, co-parent, and spend family time together. That family time often includes extended family and my ex’s girlfriend (who cooked dinner for everyone last time my parents came to visit).

When I have a break-up or a bad date (and I have plenty) sometimes it’s my ex’s girlfriend who hears the gory details first.

Right now, while we are temporarily without a baby-sitter, the three of us are juggling getting the kids ready and off to camp on various days.

While I have some doubts about my own future love life and how many men I’m going to find who can understand or accept what we’re trying to do (putting our family first even after our break-up), I wouldn’t want to be divorced any other way.

- Mylilhurricane

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3 Comments to “Friendly Divorce = Free Condoms?”

  1. Like you, I blog about divorce, and I hope that my divorce philosophy contributes positively to the friendly divorce movement. I think that it does, actually: there are so few role models for this style of divorce, and the cliche’ of divorce is of people screaming and children being torn in two, and so I believe that voices like yours and mine need to be heard to compete with that deafening noise.

    I think that our best example, beyond blogging, is living by example. Yesterday I had a friend – who wants out of her marriage but isn’t sure yet how to do it – tell me that my example of divorce with integrity gave her strength to believe that she can have the life she’s dreaming of, too, and it was the highest compliment I could have asked for. (I don’t encourage divorce – it sucks, no way around that. But I do want her to live with love and integrity, and to live fully, and a loveless angry marriage isn’t the way to do that.) When I tell my friends, “No, I don’t want to bash him, I want to find a way to be friends,” and when my daughter is sad and missing her dad and I say, “Why don’t we invite him for dinner?” then I’m modeling the best of myself, and I think it’s contagious. Angry people, bitter people, resentful people – none of them look very happy. Since I believe that people really want to be genuinely happy, those considering leaving bad marriages but afraid of the fallout might look to us to see that friendliness and integrity is actually a much better path to happiness than the alternative.

    Thanks for linking me – I’ve added you to my favorite blog list as well. I’m excited to hear a voice like yours, and I’m encouraged to see someone farther down the road than myself living their friendly divorce. I’m inspired!

    • PollyAnna, Thanks so much! My new post is partly inspired by you (and the other part by my ex-boyfriend :)

      Sounds like you’re doing all the right things to move forward in a positive way for you and for your daughter. Looking forward to hearing more!

  2. Hi, I saw you on twitter! How awesome what you guys are doing. We are birdnesting, but I can’t imagine he could get to the point of spending time with other partners (although I could). We have to raise our voices!

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